Wish my rapist was called out

Despite sleeping through the night Tuesday for the first time since mid-April due to pain, (thanks to new meds!) I am again plagued with nightmares of my rape, still unacknowledged by the U.S. Navy. I never thought I would be triggered by America’s Favorite Father Bill Crosby!

I was waiting (into my second hour) for my MRI at the VA Hospital in West Roxbury, Mass., and the news of Cosby, again being silent on the rape accusations of 40 women, came on the TV in the waiting room. All of a sudden, I became very emotional.  Tears started flowing to my embarrassment.

As part of my treatment which I am now being denied through continued one-on-one therapy by the famed Boston VA, I let those tears flow during my MRI. I tried the process of getting through my feelings, but was having trouble.

After the MRI, I sought help, from no less than 11 people, to find out where the area (Boston) Vet Center was located. (That’s where the head of VA Mental Help recommended I go for psychiatric help now, which btw are not federally funded and have no psychiatrist on staff. It also costs me $19 and seven transfers from bus to subway to bus to get there. And nearly all Vet Centers are filled with 1) Men, and 2) Men who are still on the streets, not great for a survivor of MST!)

I went to the chapel and cried some more. Finally I went to the West Rox Mental Health Department for help. That took another three people and they called my psychiatrist. As it is 10 hours later, I don’t think she will call back any time soon to help!  Frustrating to say the least! I called the crisis line to reach out and feel better enough to write.

But, I digress into venting … My main problem with the whole Crosby affair are the statements by his counsel while trying to stop the newly released ADMISSION from the lying “role model” from being unsealed.  

Attorney George M. Gowen III reportedly argued “it would be terribly embarrassing for the material to come out,” adding it would be “very hurtful for his family, business associates, friends, and charities as they did not know.”  

So all this hoopla thanks to one man: Judge Eduardo Robreno, who reportedly was “guided by the sense Mr. Cosby had fashioned himself as a moral guide with pronouncements that offered his views on, among other things, child-rearing, family life, education and crime. The stark contrast between Bill Cosby, the public moralist, and Bill Cosby, the subject of serious allegations concerning improper (and perhaps criminal) conduct is a matter as to which The A.P. — and by extension the public — has a significant interest,” the judge wrote in a memorandum issued Monday. BOO YAH!

Tough shit if it is hurtful to his family, friends and business associates! I have no sympathy for them at all. Crosby was getting the ‘Ludes from somewhere!! Someone knew, and kept silent, (ALLOWED) in the past four decades, that he was drugging and raping women!

I often wonder how many other sailors were assaulted by my rapist due to me.

My former therapy friend, who is also triggered by Crosby, said of course we are affected when other women’s cases are being vindicated.

The lying aspect is just close to my heart and life as a victim of Military Sexual Trauma – it has only taken 30 years to get me to a stalled, unable to get a straight answer, Catch-22 state. But at least I am sober!

Do Do the Potty Dance

I was “asked” Monday on Facebook, apparently the only place where real-world people like me hang out: What is one thing you would rid the world of?

There were your expected comments. Racism, hatred, drugs, Rednecks, in-equality all made the list. I had one answer that literally rolled off my tongue: “Poop!” I confidently responded.  I was not meaning to joke about the “often-stinky combination of fiber, dead and live bacteria and other cells, mucus, water and a gel-like substance,” according to everyday health.com, not to go into too much detail.

Anyway, not only is poop the only logical answer, (I did get 15+ likes), it is the ONLY ANSWER!  In the history of the world, (that we know of) poop has caused a lot of problems and continues to do so as people die everyday from dysentery.  Not to mention the embarrassment that poop can force. (See nurses et al.)

At first I suppose, poop helped in fertilizing crops, until some fecal matter was found unworthy of the land, sickening and leveling towns!  (Although llama poop is okay as it reportedly saved the Incan empire.)

And it slides downhill from there – poop is responsible for toppling civilizations, and causing more deaths than anything else. (I really have no scientific back-up for that, but I do remember stories of Roman poop fests, and English plagues.)

Remember a couple years ago, actor Matt Damon was on a crusade and promised not to poop in a toilet until there are no water problems worldwide? Damon said more than 2.5 BILLION people do not have access to toilets, so their poop leads to pollution, disease and death. (See Water.org) 

I wonder how Damon is doing with that pledge, but the most civilized way is not to talk about poop or its societal repercussions! Glad we are civilized – and the “toilet-less” live overseas! Amazing how our bodies know to get rid of waste, but as a community it is still a foul subject! Ha ha ha

Well, lo and behold, on Women’s Healthy Daily website, it goes even further to delve into the problem of poop in the world:  www.womenshealthmag.com/health/gut-mind-connection?cid=NL_WHDD_-_07062015_IsYourPoopEmotionallyDisturbed

Seriously, it’s all organic! lol If we took care of ourselves first, then our fellow human beings, everything would all flow!

(For the ultimate in poop news Monday: Bill Cosby finally admits to drugging women for sex! That took a hell of a long time for “investigative mainstream journalists” to find out what the rest of us Feminists’ already knew: We believed the women! Duh!?)

Animal's attack, shark week

As I write this, four Bison and eight shark attacks happened this year. There have been coyotes walking New York City streets and in Central Park and fish killing little girls in the South!

Maybe animals are nearing their breaking point and blame humans for ruining the way things were. Think about how we have forced ourselves on their land, and trashed their homes and habitats. We've been building them further in the hills, and not paying critical attention to problems we have caused, (poor polar bears which may become extinct within the next 10 years.)

Oil balls are still found on the beaches of Louisiana five years after that 210,000 gallon oil spill, and there is little media coverage about the problems being seen after the 3K oil spill north of Santa Barbara that hit more than 800 acres of ocean and 135 miles of coastline in May.

Those batches of water-based animals, if they live, are probably shaking their little heads and saying, “Jesus Christ,” (in the manner of Joan Crawford’s daughter Christina after the wire hanger incident in the movie, “Mommie Dearest.”)

When I was in the U.S. Navy, I got written up for having a monthly allotment going to Greenpeace efforts; and jeez, I have been recycling for 30 years (too bad that never took lol) and celebrating Earth Day even longer. I have written a lot of stories regarding our great outdoor neighbors, and wrote one of the first stories about fracking, (early 1990s).

I even remember the electric car in the 1970s which was squashed, literally and figuratively, by Big Business – which is why we are so dependent on overseas oil. Great film on that: “Who Killed the Electric Car?”

Americans spend more money on their pets than their children. A sad commercial can fund a shelter, which by the way is sort of a scam when you are paying $300 for a rescued cat. In my day, lol, we got our animals for free, just for wanting them. 

And there are certainly more sites online that cater to animals rather than helping humans.  And don’t forget the U.S. money being spent in other countries while nearly 2 million kids in America get one meal a day, if they’re lucky! I’ve always wondered why we bomb cities and then spend a lot of money to build them back up!

It's all a little skewered in my opinion. Wait until the trains start crashing and spewing their toxins, (which happened over the weekend, and are owned by Warren Buffet, which explains why we keep buying oil) Decks and bridges are falling down. I do believe human lives over anything else – money, business, exploitation, et al.

You know, it may be silly, but I still believe one voice, one vote can make a difference in how we treat this planet, humans and animals, forests, prairies, et al.  I’m just going to keep screaming for what is just right!