Getting a Karma payback is a
bitch. Getting one in the form of serious pain is ridiculous!
When I was around 11 years old, I
would announce to anyone who would listen that I was never getting old. I
continued that sentiment and during my teens, it sort of developed into a fear
of the elderly. Seriously, I would ditch them as soon as they got near.
My grandparents were no different
to me. I had no empathy for them walking slowly, or complaining about pain.
I swore I would not get old. However, once caregiver for my Grandma Ruth
that sentiment started fading.
My family lives to be in their
90s, and I find myself at the dreaded Middle Age – which sounds awful –
"the plaque is near!"
After refusing for many, many
years that I was aging, I finally had to accept it – which I did very recently
because I cannot just jump out of bed.
I would age like a powerhouse
with graceful aging! Yeah, right. That delusion ended last October, when
my hips started hurting. Walking was getting a bit more difficult as I was in
pain.
Being a Veteran, and broke, I
depend on the Veteran Affairs and my local VA hospital, which I have been
associated with for three years now. I am being treated for pain in the
jaw, but that’s another story!
If you are a Veteran, you know:
“Hurry up and wait.” It is a pain in the ass to get anything resolved
through the VA. It takes months to get appointments and years to get what you
actually need. We have a saying that waiting gets you dead. The squeaky wheel
gets the oil, and I am a squeaky wheel. I hate to imagine how many have died
due to VA medical treatment or lack thereof.
Anyway, my pain got worse, but
was getting somewhat livable with ibuprofen, aspirin, Lyrica, muscle relaxer, cold and warm packs and especially acupuncture, which I can get about every 40 days! The pain
in my hips really helps me tolerate my jaw pain! lol
However, on April 16, I did a
backward lunge, (probably my last) and knew instantly something was/is
seriously wrong. Physical Therapy isn’t helping because I am in too much pain
to do the exercises. This pain is constant. I literally hurt to sit, stand, or
lay down. I just walk – averaging my 10K, so there’s a plus! But my sleep is so
much worse. The pain is really unbearable. It is a unseen force but, in my
case, it is definitely vocal. I yell out when it hurts, so my voice is getting
hoarse.
Did manage to finagle an
appointment with the Pain Clinic (!) Monday, and am hoping for some epidural
steroids, which will dull the pain? It got me thinking when I heard epidural,
if I was being a baby (pun intended) to the pain because I have never
experienced labor. My PT guy, Chris, said no.
Elated
after getting instructions what to demand from the VA from my sister today, who is a longtime nurse, I
kind of jumped onto the couch, and tried to cross my legs. OMG! That pain I was
just talking about – it has definitely doubled.
